Ego: The fallacy whereby a goose thinks he’s a swan. (Proverb)

I find myself fascinating. (Milan Kundera)

Do you see a man who is wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him. (Proverbs 26:12)

It isn’t easy doing this kind of research and looking at your practice – and yourself – through clear and open eyes.  I don’t want to fall into the pit of self-recriminations, nor do I want to sing my praises. How does one talk about themselves in an objective (academic) way? I need to find the language to help me express or evoke the image. I understand that the purpose is to look at learnings and awareness, but how is this important in the bigger picture? Who really cares about my change in practice other than myself?

I’m meeting with one of the artists tomorrow and I need to think about the kind of questions to ask so that I might understand my role, my actions, my purpose better (deeper). Perhaps I could say, “So, what do you really think about me?”  Nah.  Or maybe, “Can we talk about something important here? Me.”  Hmm.

Is it because we are Canadian this becomes so hard? I don’t want to draw attention to myself. But why is that so terrible? This will be an on-going tension for me I guess, one to be wrestled with and subdued into some kind of submission.

I think I will simply start a conversation with her and ask her to tell me about our special day – what had impact for her, what was challenging, what was stimulating. And I will ask her to describe my role as she saw it – how I interacted or facilitated or conducted. I would also like to hear how she described the relationship with teachers and the other artists, her impressions of the climate of the day and images that remain. The conversation will evolve as it will. I will listen to her, recording it for later transcription, and try to pull out themes or recurring ideas. From this I will be able to reflect upon my practice as seen through through the eyes of an artist.

Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom.Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.  (Tao Te Ching)